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A U.S. Distance Fan’s Rhyme for 2009


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  • A U.S. Distance Fan’s Rhyme for 2009

    A U.S. Distance Fan’s Rhyme for 2009

    With the year winding down and the season near over,
    It’s time to take stock, recollect, and – moreover,
    Praise American runners who excelled nonpareil,
    Kept us glued to our screens, made us holler and yell.

    Men, women, sub-13, sub-4,
    The best year for Yanks since, oh, ’74?
    Records and medals – so high did they achieve it,
    That if I hadn’t seen it online, I wouldn’t believe it.

    If you wanted to know, “Who’s that runner from Guam?”
    You could find it out on
    Despite clicking through windows ‘til our mouse hand got cramps,
    We relished the big meets; we loved the World Champs.

    British announcers on Universal sounded erudite, like Latin,
    Offering insight and charm (plus fun terms like ‘baton’).
    We even watched NBC; my head should be examined,
    Since we had to listen to Lewis, Dwight, Ato and Tom Hammond.

    As gh and Ben moderated feckless sprint posters,
    We sat back and watched, with drinks on our coasters.
    Great stuff happened before, during and after Berlin,
    We’ll have to figure out a place to begin…

    …So a trio of women went under four-flat,
    And not many prognosticators saw anything like that.
    Wurth-Thomas, Willard and Barringer ran blessed
    And completely rewrote the top-10 U.S. list.

    Amazing many with her new-found promise,
    Were the front-running tactics of Christin Wurth-Thomas,
    Who pushed the pace and made races exciting,
    Since a USA’nian up front had been a rare sighting.

    Jenny B shocked at Pre – told the world, “Look at me!”
    Then winsomely said, “I love to win, tee hee!”
    And if that wasn’t enough entertaining fun for you people,
    She took fifth at Worlds and set an AR in the steeple.

    Willard’s steepling also brought smiles to faces,
    But she also impressed with fine speed in short races.
    A fast 8, a fast 15 – she won big meets on a tear.
    (We also spent intro time checking the color of her hair.)

    Shannon Rowbury, we thought, would too run sub-4.
    She didn’t (4:00.81), but what’s more,
    She medaled at Worlds and took home a bronze,
    Her total more, by one, than Azerbaijan’s.

    Other women to discuss? Oh, gosh, let’s see…
    Of course, how’d we forget the season of Vessey?
    Her strategy changed by the day, oh dear.
    Next year, we swear, she won’t be near the rear.

    Who raced well out on the macadam?
    Goucher had the best runs (Kara, not Adam).
    She’ll fly if she learns to keep her fluids down, maybe,
    Meanwhile, some time off – it’ll be a fast baby.

    For the men, a wily vet, who’s that early attacker?
    Why it’s none other than paid rabbit Krummenacker!
    Leading Golden League meets with a formidable lean,
    Plus running a leg on a 4x15.

    Symmonds cut his best down to 1:43,
    His strong mark sitting above la petite bourgeoisie.
    He also raced his first final in a major.
    It won’t be his last, we’re willing to wager.

    As racers enter the homestretch and hit the gas pedals,
    Seems like it’s always Lagat who’s earning the medals.
    The American (no asterisk) earned a bronze and a silver,
    His savvy, strategic runs make us quiver.

    Big things in the 5k, with two under 13,
    First by Ritz running splits like a knitting machine.
    Then Teg, a week later, riding the single-file train in Brussels,
    If only Bekele had looked back and said, “That American, he hustles.”

    Other pressing issues kept our attention, for certain:
    Do you pronounce his first name “Hair-mon” or “Jerman”?
    Will Al Sal and Schumacher combine groups, we wondered?
    Will Michael Johnson mistakenly enter Rupp in a 400?

    Do I need to start reserving my Eugene 2012 seating?
    When will we see that gonzo 1500 from Wheating?
    About track, will the average U.S. sports fan ever care?
    Will young Centrowitz ever run faster than pere?

    I loved watching the 10k between Yoder-Begley and Flanagan.
    Would a rematch be as close? Line them up! See if they can again.
    Then there’s Manzano, and what about Rhines?
    What’s the latest on Brown and Hall (both Ryans)?

    Keeping up with the new faces can be awfully grueling.
    Tell me again, who’s that steepler named Huling?
    Ulrey, Nelson – even Jager and Leer,
    We have some more research to do for next year.

    What about Lomong, Solinsky, Franek, Fam and Gall?
    It’s challenging but fun to keep up with them all.
    So thanks to all for the great ’09 times.
    And thanks, too, for reading these rhymes.

  • #2
    Fantastic achievement there. I can't wait to hear what our resident TOE thinks of it.


    • #3
      Thoroughly enjoyed that! Very clever.


      • #4
        Much fun. Thanks.


        • #5
          There are 30 US distance runners (and one rabbit) listed in the poem and a few more might even be included. Notable year, for sure.


          • #6


            • #7
              Re: A U.S. Distance Fan’s Rhyme for 2009

              Originally posted by kreynolds
              A U.S. Distance Fan’s Rhyme for 2009
              That was nice!!!! I would like to hear that over a nice, funky, dusty beat!!!! If you know what I mean. Who is the writer?


              • #8
                Very clever. Even better than "The Case Against Marryin' Jonze."

                I wonder how long it will take for the usual suspects to accuse you of plagiarism?


                • #9
                  Glad this came back to the top. I missed it when originally posted. Quite excellent.


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by bhall
                    Glad this came back to the top. I missed it when originally posted. Quite excellent.
                    You should print this in the mag even if only the letters page.


                    • #11
                      Nice job...the author has a good grip on a rather remarkable year for U.S. distance running. I hope Alan Webb will appear in the 2010 version!


                      • #12
                        I won't be impressed until I see the haiku translation :-)

                        (great job Kirk)


                        • #13
                          Some of that was so good it was brilliant.
                          Some of it was so corny and bad it was...brilliant!
                          Thanks for posting that.


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by gh
                            I won't be impressed until I see the haiku translation :-)

                            (great job Kirk)
                            Or in palindrome?