Life after Track and Field

[EPelle]

AW, an enthusiastic door-to-door vacuum salesman after his career in athletics, goes to the first house in his new territory. He knocks, and a real mean and tough looking lady opens the door. Before she has a chance to say anything, AW sprints inside and dumps cow patties all over the carpet.

He says, "Lady, if this vacuum cleaner don't do wonders cleaning this up, I'll eat every chunk of it."

She turns to him with a smirk and says, "You want ketchup on that?"

AW says, "Why do you ask?"

She says, "We just moved in and we haven't got the electricity turned on yet."


Gabe Jennings was drafted and sent to boot camp. At the rifle range, he was given some instruction, a rifle, and bullets. He fired several shots at the target. The report came from the target area that all attempts had completely missed the target.

Jennings looked at his rifle, and then at the target. He looked at the rifle again, and then at the target again. He put his finger over the end of the rifle barrel and squeezed the trigger with his other hand. The end of his finger was blown off, whereupon he yelled toward the target area, "It's leaving here just fine, the trouble must be at your end!"

[tafnut]

Re: Life after Track and Field

don't know why we're picking at them, but here goes:

AW and GJ get into a nasty car accident. Both vehicles are really wrecked, but amazingly neither of them are hurt.

After they crawl out of their cars, AW says, "So you're the famous Gabe Jennings, that's interesting. I'm Alan Webb... Wow! Just look at our cars. There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace the rest of our days."

Gabe replied, "Totally agree - this must be a sign from God!" Gabe went on, "And look at this - here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of whisky didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink it, to celebrate the fact we are alive and kicking?"

AW nods his head in agreement, opens it and takes few big swigs from the bottle, then hands it back to GJ. GJ takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands back to AW. AW asks, "Aren't you having any?" Gabe replies, "Nah...I think I'll just wait for the police......"