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In that case I'm going to institute mudwrestling cheerleading. Do the pyramids and flips and stuff, then tag-team in a giant wading pool of thick mud. Would be scored on a 10-point-must system (as in boxing) but a pin in the mud is an outright victory. Only one male over 250 pounds per team, just to keep it on the up-and-up. We wouldn't want to turn this into a joke or anything.
The field events should add the 'obesity long jump'?
Points awarded for total weight carried and distance jumped. I'm sure eldrick could come up with a suitable scoring system. Just imagine the opportunities for posturing during the weigh-in.
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