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Abbott and Costello at the Computer Super-Store

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  • Abbott and Costello at the Computer Super-Store

    [rec'd in a viral e-mail]

    ABBOTT: Welcome to the Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

    COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.

    ABBOTT: Mac?

    COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.

    ABBOTT: Your computer?

    COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.

    ABBOTT: Mac?

    COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.

    ABBOTT: What about Windows?

    COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

    ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?

    COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?

    ABBOTT: Wallpaper.

    COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.

    ABBOTT: Software for Windows?

    COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?

    ABBOTT: Office.

    COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

    ABBOTT: I just did.

    COSTELLO: You just did what?

    ABBOTT: Recommend something.

    COSTELLO: You recommended something?

    ABBOTT: Yes.

    COSTELLO: For my office?

    ABBOTT: Yes.

    COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?

    ABBOTT: Office.

    COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!

    ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.

    COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?

    ABBOTT: Word.

    COSTELLO: What word?

    ABBOTT: Word in Office.

    COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.

    ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

    COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows ?

    ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W" .

    COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with some straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?

    ABBOT T: Money.

    COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?

    ABBOTT: Money.

    COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?

    ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.

    COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?

    ABBOTT: Money.

    COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?

    ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.

    COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?

    ABBOTT: One copy.

    COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?

    ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.

    COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?

    ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!

    (A few days later)

    ABBOTT: Welcome to Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

    COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?

    ABBOTT: Click on "START" . . .

  • #2
    Love it.
    "A beautiful theory killed by an ugly fact."
    by Thomas Henry Huxley

    Comment


    • #3
      It would make a really good SNL sketch. Where's Dana Carvey when we need him? I understand he has a funny brother he could do it with.

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by tafnut
        It would make a really good SNL sketch. Where's Dana Carvey when we need him? I understand he has a funny brother he could do it with.
        They both would be better off working with me. :lol:
        Thats not funny!

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by LaughTrack
          Originally posted by tafnut
          It would make a really good SNL sketch. Where's Dana Carvey when we need him? I understand he has a funny brother he could do it with.
          They both would be better off working with me. :lol:
          Jeez, I just thought of something. What if you and Squackee and Dana Carvey (and his brother) did sketch comedy??!! :shock: :lol: :lol: :shock:

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by tafnut
            Originally posted by LaughTrack
            Originally posted by tafnut
            It would make a really good SNL sketch. Where's Dana Carvey when we need him? I understand he has a funny brother he could do it with.
            They both would be better off working with me. :lol:
            Jeez, I just thought of something. What if you and Squackee and Dana Carvey (and his brother) did sketch comedy??!! :shock: :lol: :lol: :shock:
            Im in with these conditions-

            DaveW signs on as chief writer
            MJD handles all things money
            Mojo agrees to provide catering for gigs
            Henchmen will provide security but they need a tough and smart leader- Malmo
            Spirtual adviser- Mennisco
            Booking agent- someone who's traveled the world and has a great sense of humor- Kuha
            Booze and groupie management-Bad Hammy
            Personal trainer- EPelle


            Now we need a manager. Someone smart and funny. Someone good with the english language. Someone not afraid to communicate their ideas.....can you think of anyone Tafnut? :P
            phsstt!

            Comment


            • #7
              Oh sure stick me in the kitchen!!!! :twisted: :twisted: :twisted:

              I am funnier than all of you put together. :twisted:

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by mojo
                Oh sure stick me in the kitchen!!!! :twisted: :twisted: :twisted:

                I am funnier than all of you put together. :twisted:
                Your right! you are funnier, thats why were sticking you in the kitchen.I dont want you making me look bad plus if you take the stage and i cook you'll kill the audience but ill kill you.
                phsstt!

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by SQUACKEE
                  Now we need a manager. Someone smart and funny. Someone good with the english language. Someone not afraid to communicate their ideas.....can you think of anyone Tafnut? :P
                  I know someone who EXACTLY fits that description - gh!! or tandfman!! But if they're not available, I can make do!!!

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Thank you, tafnut, but I'll pass. Go for it!

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      GW and Condi:

                      George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?

                      Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.

                      George: Great. Lay it on me.

                      Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.

                      George: That's what I want to know.

                      Condi: That's what I'm telling you.

                      George: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?

                      Condi: Yes.

                      George: I mean the fellow's name.

                      Condi: Hu.

                      George: The guy in China.

                      Condi: Hu.

                      George: The new leader of China.

                      Condi: Hu.

                      George: The Chinaman!

                      Condi: Hu is leading China.

                      George: Now whaddya' asking me for?

                      Condi: I'm telling you Hu is leading China.

                      George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?

                      Condi: That's the man's name.

                      George: That's who's name?

                      Condi: Yes.

                      George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?

                      Condi: Yes, sir.

                      George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.

                      Condi: That's correct.

                      George: Then who is in China?

                      Condi: Yes, sir.

                      George: Yassir is in China?

                      Condi: No, sir.

                      George: Then who is?

                      Condi: Yes, sir.

                      George: Yassir?

                      Condi: No, sir.

                      George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.

                      Condi: Kofi?

                      George: No, thanks.

                      Condi: You want Kofi?

                      George: No.

                      Condi: You don't want Kofi.

                      George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.

                      Condi: Yes, sir.

                      George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.

                      Condi: Kofi?

                      George: Milk! Will you please make the call?

                      Condi: And call who?

                      George: Who is the guy at the U.N?

                      Condi: Hu is the guy in China.

                      George: Will you stay out of China?!

                      Condi: Yes, sir.

                      George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.

                      Condi: Kofi.

                      George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        The latest Abbott & Costello movie:

                        http://www.somethingawful.com/d/awful-m ... sexual.php

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          From that site:
                          The Awful Movie Database (AMDB), now spanning over sixteen cubic miles of internet, was founded in 1992 by film expert Dr. David Thorpe. The AMDB is committed to providing thorough and accurate information about thousands of hard-to-find, lost, forgotten or supressed motion pictures.
                          good stuff

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